Self Loathing
by bestkeptsecret-bigestmistake
Summary: Alice is devistaed after having to leave Bella. Jasper is trying to help when the real focus of her hatred comes home.


Loathing, complete and utter loathing. That's how I felt about my self right now. Alice, MY Alice, was sobbing, uncontrollably, and it was my fault. It was as if a cloud was floating around me suffocating me with hatred.

"No!" she screamed, crumpling into a heap in my arms, clinging to me. She looked up at me; a look of hopelessness on her gorgeous face dealt a blow to my heart. She was angry, sad and most of all hateful. But at who? Me? There was no one else she could hate right now. It was my fault we had left, my fault that I couldn't control myself.

"Alice! I- I am so, so…" she interrupted me before I could finish.

"No, jasper, no! It's not your fault, not at all! And don't you dare put the blame on yourself!" she glared, daring me to argue with her.

"Then whose fault is it? The blame can only be put on me!" I whispered. my voice twanged with my old southern accent. It only showed up for Alice, when ever I felt ashamed and helpless. She was my life, and I would do anything to make it better.

"No!" she growled, "it's all _his_ fault." a low rumble escaped her lips.

"Alice," her hatred grew, its cloud settling over head.

"NO! He left her jasper, just left her there!"A new sobbed escaped and I tightened my hold on her. I wanted to kill Edward for this. How he could do this was beyond me. My initial reaction to his relationship with Bella was that he was being stupid, reckless. But I've felt the love they feel for each other and it amazed me. Bella's love for my idiot of a brother was the strongest things I've ever felt come from a human, and edward has never been that happy. And now he just leaves her?

In my arms, Alice started to shake, and she let out o moan of pain. "Oh Alice, my sweet, sweet Alice," I rocked her back and forth as she cried. I hated it when she cried, when she was upset, she was my Alice, my happiness and when she hurt, I hurt.

"You don't know jasper, you can't see what I see," she sobbed harder into my chest. "He just left her there! In the woods, all by her self, and she's lost, keeps saying the same thing over and over again 'he's gone, he's gone ' over and over. I'm going to kill him jasper! How could he!" Her ears perked up all the sudden and I listened. We could hear the front door of Tanya's house open, Edward had finally come.

Before I could stop her, Alice ripped her self out of my arms and sprinted down the stairs, letting out a load roar that emanated through the house.

I reached the first floor to see Alice and Edward staring at each other. Edward looked like he was in excruciating pain.

"STOP!" he screamed, the look on his face scared me. He looked scared, like he was going to cry.

"Alice," I said quietly, trying to stop her from what she was doing.

"NO! He needs to know. Look at what you've done! LOOK AT HER! SE WHAT YOU DID!" she screeched, then launched herself at his throat. He dodged her, ending up where she just was. This caused Alice t accidentally throws herself into the door. Before I could go to help her she had recovered, now crouched in a defensive position.

Sensing danger Edward crouched too. I went to stop him, how dare he think of hurting my Alice. But someone stopped me.

"No, he needs this," Emmett snarled, he was just as affected by this as Alice. I looked back, and noticed the Tanya and her sisters had come to watch too. Alice moved to the right, trying to pounce but Edward moved to. I tried to send a wave of calm though the room but Alice growled at me, "don't you dare!" They started to move slowly, circling each other. Alice let out o another snarl, and new wave of hatred towards Edward, Causing me to tense in anger, I was too caught up to calm them down.

"BEL-" Edward flinched at her name, "she will get over it!" As he inched closer to me I could feel his hatred, but it wasn't for Alice, it has for him self he had just as much self loathing as I had. But his other emotions where there too, hit me like wave, Loneliness, helplessness, pain, shock, all their imbedded in the self loathing that clouded him.

"But what about US, Huh? She was our family Edward! Our family! We love her. You had no right to take us away from her!" she stopped, her eyes going hazy for a second then snarled. "No I will not keep my thought to myself! Bella was my best friend Edward, Emmett's little sister, Esme's daughter! AND YOU TOOK HER WAY!" She had finally snapped and threw herself at Edward. Edward fell to the floor, cracking the hardwood. I threw my self at them, I wanted to save Alice, but Emmett held me back. I struggled, letting out a growl as Edward threw her across the room.

"You think this is just about you?" he got up, and looked at her, a look of pain still clear across his face. I tried to feel bad, I should feel bad, we all should but the cloud of hatred was still here, abducting our common sense. "She was almost killed because of us, Alice. Again! Despite what you say about loving her, I'm the only one that loves her enough to try and save her."

A roar of pain and anger ripped out of Alice's chest, so threatening that t cut through my cloud of hatred wrapping me in fear. She ran and pounced sending both of them through the front of the house and on to the porch.

"This has gone too far!" I said pulling myself out of Emmett's hold. Alice had lost control of herself; let her violent instincts take over. And it scared me; I had never seen her like this. Emmett must have had the same idea because he let me go and stop them.

Alice had Edward pinned down and she was growling like an animal, then she spoke, her voice cold and feral, "you were finally happy, our family was finally happy! Why…?"

I pulled her off keeping a good hold o her s Emmett grabbed Edward. "Alice?" I whispered in her ear, "My sweet, sweet Alice, you must calm down!" I sent a wave of calm through her body. Coming t her senses she stopped trying to fight. The cloud of hatred dissipated as the realization of what she did dawned on her.

"Oh god," she whimpered, her voice was tiny and scared, "I-I I'm sorry! Oh god, I'm so sorry Edward! I," but before she could finish Edward ran, a trail of emotions through the Alaska rain. "No!" Alice screamed, running after him. "Edward, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I was just angry! I'm sorry!!" I chased her down but she couldn't catch up to him, he was much to fast. She finally stopped in the middle of a clearing and fell to her knees, sobbing. I ran to her and scooped her up in my arms.

"What did I do?" she looked up at me, her voice tiny and fragile. As we sat there she cried and I held her, sitting in her cloud of self loathing.

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ok so this is my first fic. tell me what you think by pressing the pretty, blue review button right down there : THANK YOU!!!!

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